Little Red Riding Elf
by Shadowcat24601
Summary: Well, the title pretty much explains it. And don't worry, Shadowcat did actually not write this, Orca did!


Little Red Riding Elf by Orca  
  
Yes, I know it will say it is written by ShadowCat246-whatever, but as I am poor and have no internet of my own, Kitty was kind enough to let me borrow hers.  
  
Kitty: *blindfolded and gagged in closet* Mmmphh! MMMPPHHH!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Legolas or Lord of the Rings...sigh...but one day I will!   
  
Legolas: *shudders*  
  
Anyway, here's my story!  
  
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~  
  
One day Legolas was innocently skipping down a path, a pink basket streaming with bows on one arm. Unbeknownst to him, just a little farther down, behind a tree, hid the Big Bad Sauron.   
  
"Mwahahaha," cackled Sauron, clutching his claws together in wicked delight. "There is the one who stole all the fangirls!" He could still remember back to the day when all the girls wore Sauron hats, shirts, etc. But then they had to make it a movie and show that Legolas was more than just another blond elf. He sighed and noticed that Legolas was gone. He cursed and moved on, using some random special power to teleport himself ahead.  
  
So anyway, Legolas kept skipping and suddenly the Big Bad Sauron appeared.  
  
"Bwahahaha! I mean, hello little elf, and where are you headed?"  
  
"I'm headed to my Grandmother's house," Legolas chirped, swinging the basket and accidentally killing a nearby bird.  
  
"Oh, really," Sauron smirked, "well, see ya later!" He did that random teleport thingy and disappeared.  
  
Legolas smiled blankly. After all, he was blond, and fangirls loved that kind of thing. It was so hard, living up to the fans' expectations.  
  
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~  
  
Sauron arrived at the grandmother's house just in time to see the grandmother fall off the balcony.  
  
'Well that takes care of her', he thought, walking into the house.  
  
The house was dusty and smelled of old people. Sauron shuddered. But then, as he heard footsteps approaching he grabbed some clothes, threw them on (unlike me, he can get dressed in a quarter of a second...but he's like a magical overlord person so that's probably why) and jumped into the bed. And shuddered again. The old people smell was even worse in the bed.   
  
Legolas walked in just in time to see what he thought was his grandmother gagging.  
  
"Grandma, what a large tongue you have," he giggled.  
  
"Uh...all the better to lick you with," Sauron replied quickly.  
  
Legolas gave him a strange look.   
  
"...Yeah, right...anyway, what big claws you have, Grandmother."  
  
"All the better to...to...um...make cookies with!" Sauron cheered.  
  
"Grandma, you don't make cookies. This is like the freaking Middle Ages. I don't think cookies have been invented yet." Legolas gave him a doubtful look.  
  
"Oh, that's right, chocalate hasn't even been invented yet," Sauron mused, stroking his scaly chin.  
  
"And, my, Grandma, what a large fiery eye of doom, destruction, and death you have."  
  
"My eye? Oh, well, that-"  
  
Sauron's reply was cut short by the door slamming open.  
  
"Legolas!" Aragorn bellowed, bursting into the hut. His fearless gaze swept the room finally resting on Sauron. "Oh, hi, Sauron. So, Legolas, are we going to go see Return of the King or what?"  
  
"Oh, yeah, that's right." Legolas waved to the bemused Sauron, "bye Grandma!"  
  
The elf and the Ranger walked out chatting about who looked better on the big screen.  
  
"Really, I'm telling you, Aragorn, just put on a blond wig and glue on some prosthetic ears. The fangirls will be all over you!"  
  
"Seriously? I thought they liked the rugged look..."  
  
Alone in the bedroom, Sauron glanced at the collection of blond wigs the grandmother had kept and smiled.  
  
Fin  
  
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~  
  
Orca: Hee! I'm done! Whaddya think of it, Kitty?  
  
Kitty: *stares at screen in shock* Orca...why?  
  
Orca: Oh, and by the way, this fic has no relation whatsoever to "of shades and elves"...because mine is better.  
  
Kitty: *still in shock* My computer...my reputation!  
  
Orca: Please review! ^.^ 


End file.
